Thirteen years ago, I sat down, created this blog, and began to write. Over those 13 years, I posted short stories, my trilogy about The Time Travelers Club, and various writing exercises, such A View of the Town. I wrote during some of the rough years, such as the death of my father, changes in life, and whatever else I wanted to vent about. But I also wrote during the challenging years such as my new job and new home. And then came the 2024 break.
Guess what, it has been just over a year since last I posted.
Was it because I was lazy and just didn't want to? Was it lack of interest? Maybe writer's block?
No, not really.
I was going through the change and decided that I need to just take a break. A lot has happened over that year. First, I turned 55. For me, the magic number. It was the one where I realized that the road ahead of me was shorter than the road behind me. And with that realization came change. I wanted to make the most of what time I have left in this life. After all, it is MY time and MY life. Not someone else's, but mine. So, I have been focused, pushing outside forces and distractions to the side and deeply focused on one question...
"What do I want to spend my time on?"
My time.
How did I want to use it? It may be 10 years, maybe 10 days, or maybe 30 to 40 more years. Who knows! But regardless, it is MY time. It is time that was granted to me.
With that realization in mind, I sat down and wrote out a plan with goals. It was easy to name what I didn't want to do... Not to listen to other's bullsh*t (to put it bluntly) because of something that got them all upset. It certainly wasn't dealing with people who were unhappy with their lives and tried to blame it on others or even me. It is definitely not stuff that doesn't interest me... boring movies, long-winded descriptive books (sorry, but Jane Austin... ugh.), other people's whining, and their general blah blah blah. I started pushing aside the "blubber" as I like to call it.
What emerged was a shiny bright list of what really mattered to me.
And in the number one spot.... Peace and quiet to focus on the time I have left. I recently coined this saying... "The road to peace is paved with people with big mouths." And let me tell you, I've got a steam roller and a load of whatever that tar-looking stuff that they use to fill in pot holes and starting paving the road! Some got warnings (or warned) and chose to ignore them. Others realized that I meant business and kindly shut their mouths. For for the most part, those who listened and understood are the ones that I love and cherish the most and survived the paving process. They gave me the support that I longed for.
I have created a plan and a road that I am sure will be horribly bumpy, maybe be hit by a snowstorm or hurricane, and at times just right down dangerous. But ya know what, I'm ready! Bring it on!
And here I am. Working on one of the items on the list. Writing again. A part of the plan. Let it all out. Hanging the grievances. The anger. The resentment. I am carving out time for books that I want to read, movies I want to watch, and skipping into my imagination with fictional stories to tell.
As I write this, I realize that I need to figure out parts of the plan, but I'm not worried. It will come together. I have faith.
And as I write this, I am listening to Bette Midler, who had her turn at bat as Mama Rose in Gypsy, belt out....
"Some people sit on their butts;
got the dream, yeah, but not the guts.
That's living for some people,
for some hum-drum people I suppose.
Well, they can stay and rot!
But not Rose!"
Well, Mama Rose, I hear your words. But that's just part of it. Following Bette was Joni Mitchell. The song that she is singing is one that grew up listening to Judy Collins sing. Judy made it sound all bouncy and bubbly. However, Joni's version.... The first time I heard it was in the movie, Love Actually. In a scene with Emma Thompson. And I cried. It was the same song, but different feeling.
"Oh, but now old friends, they're acting strange
And they shake their heads and they tell me that I've changed
Well, something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day
I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all"
I've changed. And will continue to change whether anybody likes it or not. And that is what makes the new road look way better. I've looked at life from both sides now and I really don't know life at all. I look back and see the illusions. And what illusions they were. And I even as I write this, I tear up. So much wasted time over other people's bullsh*t and even my own. And it is there, where I start. Part of the plan is to write it out. Write out the anger, the resentment, and whatever I feel that I need to say. And after that I turn away from the road behind and face the road ahead. How long will that take, you may or may not ask... Well not long. I'm only stopping at that station until the end of the year.
So, there you have it. Let's wrap up 2024 with some purging and get to the good stuff.
Oh wait, I haven't posted in so ling that I haven't even mentioned Rowena Meredith. She's so interesting... She keeps visiting my dreams. Something about her life and ghost hunting and being a liberated woman of the 1930s... Now that's what I'm talking about.
CSM
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