Tune in this time for: SWM seeking Same, or Double Insanity

My friend, Kathy, recently filled out an online dating profile, as she put it, "just for fun to check it out." Within hours, she received a delightful assortment of very special dating possibilities.  To quote her, she got "1) a married guy who just wanted a woman "friend", 2) a 27-year-old guy that said he liked to "satisfy older women"; and 3) a beautiful transgender person transitioning from a man to a woman."  Welcome to the world of on-line dating, my dear Kathy!  You, me, and numerous others just venturing out to find someone special in wide sea of "special" people.  But guess what?  We did find someone special.  And oh boy, they were special alright.  Specials that you found a sideshow at the circus.

The world of online and apps for dating have never ceased to amaze me since their creation.  A friend of mine got me hooked on some phone apps that, at first, seemed like a possible road to dating bliss.  Smiling faces either in close-ups or in front of someplace they had been like the Eiffel Tower, or the Washington Monument, or the Tower of Pisa...  Notice anything about those places...  I didn't either until I realized they were all phallic symbols. Then there are the pics of hairy or smooth chests, sometimes feet for the foot fetishers, or underwear-covered behinds.  And... Oh my!  Is that your...  Well, you know.  Why show me a suggestive picture such as The Tower of Pisa if you can show me the real thing?

At first, it was all in good fun, but after while it was the same guys looking for the same thing everyday all day.  Never updating their pictures, which by the way may have been from ten years ago, if you're lucky to actually meet them in person someday you could spot the difference... But in all fairness, that wasn't true for any of the ones I responded to.  They were just nice guys looking for what I wasn't.  My bald spot, grey hair, and Buddha belly-wanna-be wasn't exactly Ricky Martin in a thong.  Just wait until all of what I have is in style. I'll be ready.  They'll be all over me.  Excuse me while I don't sit around and wait.

The guys I never meet were numerous, despite my messaging and viewing their profiles.  One that I did meet had nothing on his profile.  Only his name and age. When I asked about that, he replied "I don't want everyone in my business."  Then what the hell are you on here for?  I was brave enough to ask what he was looking for and some of his interests, but I still felt like I was trying to lift a ten-ton elephant just to get something to start a meaningful conversation.  I should have dated the elephant. He would have been more interesting and peanuts are a cheaper meal.

I've come to the conclusion there's only one true and tried way of meeting people.  Get out and look for them. From my point of view, these apps and websites are just a way for people to hide for whatever reason and, in some cases, that's exactly what they should do. From just a pic and a few words, I can't really use my instincts, body language, or pick up visual cues to determine if they are lying, uncomfortable, or at any moment might come at me with a butcher's knife like Norman Bates.

In a recent Facebook post, I announced that I was over the dating scene, especially the virtual one.  It's back out and into the real world for me.  Make some friends, chit-chat, and get to know you.  I'd rather shake your hand and meet you face to face than see your shaking ass in a YouTube video and then watch you strip down and proceed to... Well, I might save that video for later.

CSM

Tune in this time for: The Dating Game, or Love is a Splintered Thing

I've been asked by several gentlemen over the course of the past few months "Why are you still single?"

Let me get straight to the answer of why I'm still single.  I took care of my parents because I made them my priority.  I took myself off the dating scene about eight years ago and don't regret doing that.  I will admit that I have gotten out of touch with the current standards of the dating.  For example, I have to ask Do people still date?  Or do you just stalk each other on Facebook or Twitter or Instagram?

Regardless, now eight years later, I'm now back in the game.  Out of dry dock and back in the water.  And the first thing I notice...  I'm finding myself pushing aside the dead fish at the top!  Attention Psych Ward shoppers, we've got a real humdinger at table four.  A swinging single who's back in the game.  That was what I felt was announced to the world when I hit the dating scene with both feet because the needy and the destitute came out of the woodwork.  It was then that I realized I wasn't searching for Mr. Right, but sorting out Mr. What's Left-Over.

Why is dating so hard?  It seemed when I was in college, you could meet someone, hang out, get some pizza, watch a movie, then make out.  But now, it feels like my only choice of meeting someone means constantly going out.  This isn't so bad if I want to cut laundry, housework, and sleep out of my schedule. Once I do meet someone, I have to research them.  Look at Facebook, Twitter, Linked-In, and criminal court records to see if they're wanted in another state. Then comes the coaxing to talk them into even having a drink.  By the end of the evening, I feel like I've done a lot of work with very little in return.  Next time, I think I'll request a deposit that's non-refundable.  I could use the money for a weekend get-away.

Back to the "Why are you still single?" question...  This single question has turned me onto the idea that hope is still there.  If he's asking, I've got to be asking "Hey, does this mean I've got something worth giving?"  The answer is simple.  Yes, I do.  Even though I posted that I welcomed the single life over the dating scene.   (Remember, I'm a crab.  We flow with the tides.)

I've got a lot to offer and it's these times that make me do a self-check... I'm funny, loving, caring, dependable, honest (sometimes too much), loads of self-respect, educated, child-like (not be be confused with childish), diverse interests, and have a long honey-do list -- he can start by helping me paint the kitchen. Hey, I said I was very honest.

Another point for me to remember... Give up on the dating apps and websites.   I found that getting my face out there and shaking hands has gotten me a lot farther than someone's bare chest profile pic.

Anyway, he's out there, somewhere.  Maybe the Fates/God/Allah/Whoever will intervene.  Ha!  Who am I kidding? They probably have their own dating problems!

CSM

Forgiving More for Being Crabby

Being a crab isn't easy.  I've got a hard outer shell with a space just big enough to peer out at the world and a couple of claws that, if they get a hold on you, will squeeze you until your eyes bulge out.  I live under the influence of a vast ocean of ever moving water and the low and high tides which in turn are influenced by the ever-cycling moon.  I will scurry off when I feel like it, leaving you to wonder, and then come running back when you aren't expecting it.  And, some seafood is very tasty.

Yes, I am a crab, born in July... Even worse on the 4th.  (A side note -- thanks everyone for coming to my nationwide birthday party.  Love you all.)

If you're a Cancerian, you know what I'm talking about.  Tenacious, crabby, moody, touchy, unable to let go, unforgiving, never forgetting, and can be very vindictive...  And that's when I'm in a good mood.  Just kidding.  We Cancerians are caring, nurturing, have a great love of family and tradition, loyal, dependable, and love ya more than our luggage if you gain our trust.  

I've gone through some rough times over the past few years and I have to admit that I have taken the vindictive road on several occasions.  Not always, but sometimes.  Part of this vindictiveness is anger that keeps manifesting.  Anger over my parents dying.  Anger over things that never got said.  Anger over moments when I wish I would have been more vocal. Anger over the fact that I can never find pants that are 29" long.

Being angry is part of our general human make-up.  I like being angry sometimes.  It reminds me that I'm a human who has deep emotions and a big heart.  It also reminds that I'm not going to agree with everyone, but I only have to get along with them. But most of all, it reminds me that I need to be more forgiving with myself and others.   It's not easy to forgive someone for dying. It's nobody's fault.  Death is part of the human experience.  That and watching old reruns of The Golden Girls.  But I digress...

Forgiving someone for me is hard.  Being a crab makes me, well, naturally crabby.  What's more important is that I recognize it.   I need to allow myself to forgive.  I forgive the shopkeeper.  I forgive the mailman for bringing bills. I forgive the millennial.  I forgive my Mom and Dad for leaving here and making me change... and I might add, for the best.

And I also forgive myself for taking the vindictive road.  Anger makes us do weird things.

CSM

Life Review #1: Health Roll Call

Now that 45 has arrived, I think it's time to do a life's review.  So, I've decided that first item on the agenda is a health roll call.  In other words, who had what and what did them in.

My Dad -- diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, overweight.  All led to kidney failure at age 76.  He smoked, ate the "meat and potatoes" diet, and loved his sweets.

Dad's side: cousin with breast cancer, cousin with testicular cancer, Uncle Ron had strokes, high blood pressure, drank in younger days, diabetes.  Aunt Carolyn has diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease.

My Mom -- high blood pressure, hypo-thyroid, overweight.  She died of oral cancer at age 73. Never smoked or drank... however, she worked around a lot of smoky fires, almost on a daily basis.  She grew up with her Father who smoked cigars and married into a smoker's family.

Mother's side: Uncle Roger had heart issues, high blood pressure.  Uncle Mick -- ???.  Cousins -- ???

Grandpa David Marshall -- diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, overweight.  All led to a heart-attack in the night at age 69.  In his younger days, he drank, smoked, and loved his sweets.  His Dad had diabetes, died at 69.  His Mom lived to be 82.

Grandma Doris (Reeder) Marshall -- diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, overweight.  All led to kidney failure, dying in the hospital at age 69.  Breast cancer.  She drank, smoked, and loved her sweets. Her Dad died from injuries from a fall.  Her Mom died at age 70.

Grandpa Ralph Alford -- died in the hospital at age 64 of emphysema.  He was a heavy smoker and worked in smoky and rough environments.  His Mom died at 80 from old age.  His Dad died from TB.

Grandma Irene (Schacher) Alford -- he died at age 86 from cancer of the brain, then liver. She was very overweight for most of her life, but lost a lot of it after the age of 60.   Exact time frame of weight loss unknown.  Her Dad -- ?.  Her Mom died at age 83.

I sometimes wonder just how much control do I have over how I die.  Weight can be lost through diet and exercise, diabetes avoided by eating fresh vegetables and fruits, same with high blood pressure and cholesterol...  but it's that cancer factor that I always come back to.   I have limited control over it.  If it happens, it happens.  That's one of the hardest pills to swallow.

CSM