Let's me start by saying this... I am still full of hope. Hope for the future, for something better, for that someone to come into my life, and for a better life. No crazy suicidal thoughts of any kind.
I'll continue by saying this... Recently, I think I've worn myself into a uncomfortable rut. I don't think it's too deep yet, so I have hope of getting out of it. But I worry. That I may not come out of it and I may stay there. Languishing. Not meeting my full potential. And then die. Yep... Kick the bucket. Buy the farm. Kiss it all goodbye. Such drama!
After my Mother died, and now after my Father died, I realized that I, too, will die. When? Who knows. How? Who knows. Where? Who knows. Who the hell does know? Maybe in some great big library in the sky it's written, but I can't get there and look it up. It's out of my hands, so no need to fret. I can only hope that I'm having wild passionate sex with some totally hottie when my time comes... So, what are ya gonna do?
I do know this. I can tell you that doesn't matter, but it does matter about the rut.
From out of this rut-emerging desire came a lost/forgotten idea. Something that I used to do on an annual basis. Create "A Year Worth Living" statement.
My definition of "A Year Worth Living" statement is this: it's a statement that keeps me going, gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe a quote that really strikes me like "To be or not to be, that is the question." Or how about "Life's a banquet and most son-of-a-bitches are starving to death." Maybe a sentence I wrote that summarizes what I want out of life at that time. Like "I want marry into a rich family." Or "I'm going to be a great American novelist."
Whatever it is, it's my phrase that keeps life interesting for the upcoming year. I used to write them and use it as my guiding light. I stopped writing them a couple of years ago... And yes, I noticed a difference. I felt like I lacked direction. And so, it's time to resurrect this idea.
And my statement for the rest of 2013 and through 2014 will be... Ummm... Well... Let me think about this... I'm going to write my own. I can tell you that. I'm going to take sometime and think about it. In other words, you'll have to check back. Sorry.
CSM
I'll continue by saying this... Recently, I think I've worn myself into a uncomfortable rut. I don't think it's too deep yet, so I have hope of getting out of it. But I worry. That I may not come out of it and I may stay there. Languishing. Not meeting my full potential. And then die. Yep... Kick the bucket. Buy the farm. Kiss it all goodbye. Such drama!
After my Mother died, and now after my Father died, I realized that I, too, will die. When? Who knows. How? Who knows. Where? Who knows. Who the hell does know? Maybe in some great big library in the sky it's written, but I can't get there and look it up. It's out of my hands, so no need to fret. I can only hope that I'm having wild passionate sex with some totally hottie when my time comes... So, what are ya gonna do?
I do know this. I can tell you that doesn't matter, but it does matter about the rut.
From out of this rut-emerging desire came a lost/forgotten idea. Something that I used to do on an annual basis. Create "A Year Worth Living" statement.
My definition of "A Year Worth Living" statement is this: it's a statement that keeps me going, gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe a quote that really strikes me like "To be or not to be, that is the question." Or how about "Life's a banquet and most son-of-a-bitches are starving to death." Maybe a sentence I wrote that summarizes what I want out of life at that time. Like "I want marry into a rich family." Or "I'm going to be a great American novelist."
Whatever it is, it's my phrase that keeps life interesting for the upcoming year. I used to write them and use it as my guiding light. I stopped writing them a couple of years ago... And yes, I noticed a difference. I felt like I lacked direction. And so, it's time to resurrect this idea.
And my statement for the rest of 2013 and through 2014 will be... Ummm... Well... Let me think about this... I'm going to write my own. I can tell you that. I'm going to take sometime and think about it. In other words, you'll have to check back. Sorry.
CSM
No comments:
Post a Comment