Friends, Acquaintances, and Facebook... Lend Me Your Ears!
As I sit here writing about friendships, I keep coming back to these three questions: What defines a friend? What defines an acquaintance? And, more importantly, how do I tell the difference?
I asked people to define their meaning of a friend and an acquaintance. They all basically said the same thing. An acquaintance is someone who you greet, have a brief conversation with, and know some of their facts (where they are from, how old they are, where they live, etc.).
A friend is someone you hang out with, go to dinner, go to the movies, invite over to your home, go to the theatre, and most importantly, it's effortless, meaningful, and the street goes both ways. In other words, you've got to give and take a little.
I have had many friends in my life. I think of the ones that have died and it hurts deeply, almost scarring. The ones that have moved away and I rarely see them. For those, online social media has become a great way to keep in touch. The friends I have experienced life with. Those who stood next to me by both my Mother's and my Father's caskets. Those who were there when I came out, afraid of what people might say or think. Those who were there when I needed a helping hand. I think of the friends with whom I laughed and cried. And I have done the same -- I've been there when they needed me, because the street goes both ways.
Some have been there since day one. My Sister, for example. We've supported each other through some really rough times. I don't recall ever being mad at her where I actually meant it. Sometimes I get irritated, but never mad.
Others have come and gone, but we still shared close friendships in deep meaningful ways. And I have lots of memories to remind me. I don't think I'll ever forget marrying Julie Powers... Or the look on Monica Upton's face in middle school when I told her I had a crush on a kid in our class named Robert... And then there was the time seventy-year old Helen Hunt told me "If you can't remember my name, you can go to Helen Hunt for it."
I hate drawing lines. I hate telling someone that I consider them "acquaintances." It hurts on both sides. But the street goes both ways.
On the other hand, I also hate making one-sided efforts. Carving out or offering to carve out time in my schedule, even when I have a lot on my plate. I've known people with whom I've had to do all the work. I made the time. I made the effort. I created invitations, but nothing ever came of it.
The street goes both ways.
After while, I learned a hard lesson -- these people weren't really friends.
And I'm sorry, but in my life, Facebook doesn't replace a great conversation over a tasty dinner and a glass of wine...
CSM
As I sit here writing about friendships, I keep coming back to these three questions: What defines a friend? What defines an acquaintance? And, more importantly, how do I tell the difference?
I asked people to define their meaning of a friend and an acquaintance. They all basically said the same thing. An acquaintance is someone who you greet, have a brief conversation with, and know some of their facts (where they are from, how old they are, where they live, etc.).
A friend is someone you hang out with, go to dinner, go to the movies, invite over to your home, go to the theatre, and most importantly, it's effortless, meaningful, and the street goes both ways. In other words, you've got to give and take a little.
I have had many friends in my life. I think of the ones that have died and it hurts deeply, almost scarring. The ones that have moved away and I rarely see them. For those, online social media has become a great way to keep in touch. The friends I have experienced life with. Those who stood next to me by both my Mother's and my Father's caskets. Those who were there when I came out, afraid of what people might say or think. Those who were there when I needed a helping hand. I think of the friends with whom I laughed and cried. And I have done the same -- I've been there when they needed me, because the street goes both ways.
Some have been there since day one. My Sister, for example. We've supported each other through some really rough times. I don't recall ever being mad at her where I actually meant it. Sometimes I get irritated, but never mad.
Others have come and gone, but we still shared close friendships in deep meaningful ways. And I have lots of memories to remind me. I don't think I'll ever forget marrying Julie Powers... Or the look on Monica Upton's face in middle school when I told her I had a crush on a kid in our class named Robert... And then there was the time seventy-year old Helen Hunt told me "If you can't remember my name, you can go to Helen Hunt for it."
I hate drawing lines. I hate telling someone that I consider them "acquaintances." It hurts on both sides. But the street goes both ways.
On the other hand, I also hate making one-sided efforts. Carving out or offering to carve out time in my schedule, even when I have a lot on my plate. I've known people with whom I've had to do all the work. I made the time. I made the effort. I created invitations, but nothing ever came of it.
The street goes both ways.
After while, I learned a hard lesson -- these people weren't really friends.
And I'm sorry, but in my life, Facebook doesn't replace a great conversation over a tasty dinner and a glass of wine...
CSM
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