Alone at Christmas

The holiday season is underway.  Halloween and Thanksgiving have passed and now Christmas is speeding towards me, then a whole New Year.

What will it be like?   Waking up Christmas morning with no presents to open, piled under a glowing Christmas tree.  Santa didn't slip in during the night to leave a Target gift card.  A broken family scattered across the country, all beginning new traditions for their holiday season.

I will wake up on Christmas Day in my own bed in my own home, probably alone, probably sleeping in.  I wonder how I will react.  Will I cry?  Will I treat it like any other day of the week?  A quiet day at home watching Christmas movies? Fixing a small Christmas dinner?  I don't know yet.

In all my years, I have never spent Christmas anywhere but "at home" with my parents.   Not my current home, but the one where I grew up.   The one where my Mother would be making chili.  My Father would be preparing for his morning role as Santa.  Waiting on the rest of the family to arrive.   Visitors stopping by with baked goods.  Looking at the chosen Christmas decor for the year.

Christmas is here, but it doesn't feel like the season.  I think I may be numbing myself for that morning.  Keeping my mind occupied with other activities like book two and three, getting rid of dusty stuff sitting around my apartment, changing my whole outlook on life.

I can hardly wait for the New Year.  A new beginning.  2014.   The year 2013 will be behind me.  I can start even more anew.  Focusing on the two most important goals I have ever challenged myself with: first, complete book three and one other, and second, find that someone to spend my life with.

I have deep faith that I will succeed.  If I survived 2008 and now 2013, then I can survive anything.

CSM

Pick Yourself Up, Robin

Here's a quote from Bugs Bunny that I think should be dedicated to the year 2013...  "Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven... Cause it hasn't."  The year 2013 was filled with more loss than gain.  Unfortunately, my sister, Robin, won the prize for the most loss during the year, but fortunately, she may have hit bottom.  With full force.  And ass first.

It began with the news that Dad would be gone in six months.   We loved both our parents, but we had "our parent."   I was a Mama's boy, while Robin was Daddy's little girl.  We knew that last Christmas was literally the last Christmas for my Dad.  He wouldn't see another New Year beyond 2013.  Robin said goodbye to "her parent" on April 15th in the afternoon.   For me, the rest of the year was a bounce up.   But, for Robin, she didn't stop there.  She tumbled further downhill.

By early May, Robin found out, via a co-worker, that her only daughter had gotten arrested for being involved with someone operating a meth lab.  Jessica is what I call "a lost soul of the world."  She wasn't sure where to turn when times got tough. She took what she could and she got dealt a rough hand.  She'll find her way someday.   But for Robin, the only way to see her daughter is with a glass wall between them and a phone on the wall.   An actual court date has yet to occur, so Robin's wait continues.

Robin's next unforgiving task was to help clean out the home of our parents.  Cleaning out years of memories was no small task.  She had to prepare to say goodbye to the physical location, while grasping and recording all possible memories in her mind.   From the age of ten, she had experienced a lot at Rural Route 4 Box 125.   Not to mention, over the telephone line of 778-3717 that ended at that address.   The final parting was difficult.  It would never be the same.

By Fall came the final "icing on the cake."   She lost her home.  On one hand, it sounded like a shady deal; but on the other, it was the work of some unforeseen force.  Robin got the boot from an unseen someone, whether she wanted it or not.  To be forced out of a rut that she had been in for a while.   It was the home where she raised two kids, watched her husband part this world, and received the news of numerous family members deaths.  She faced a lot of work on a haunted house, whose spirits needed to be set free, including Robin's.

Although she's doing well (at least from what we can see), I still offer her these words...

Robin, our parents died, but we didn't.  They gave us life and expect us to live it.  As I've grown older, I've realized how time quickly flies. Mama has been gone now over five years, but worse, I can still remember Grandma Marshall's funeral from over 25 years ago.  Has it really been that long!?

We can't waste time on the trivial.  A place to live is important, but it is exactly that...  A place to live and it can be just about anywhere. It's not for mourning, or worrying, but for living and soaking in life.  Making every moment count as much as possible.  And remember it's not about stuff.  Get over the materialistic.  I have.

Make yourself some goals.   Make yourself do them.  Make yourself enjoy every moment.  Someday, you'll wake up and everyone that you've missed will be there to greet you.  But now is not that time.

CSM

Pity Friending: A Degrading Action

Recently on Facebook, I "updated my status" on the "news feed" about a phrase that I've coined, which I'm sure already exists.  It's call "pity friending." 

You may have heard of "pity f*cking", when a person has sex with you because they feel sorry for you, have no interest in you at all, and need to feel they've done some great honor for you so they feel better.  It's kind of like that.  They "friend" you, with no real interest in you, only because they need some ego boost or just want to name drop.

Can you tell this upsets me?  

I have set rules about Facebook.  I don't care for this new generation of Facebookers who have no idea what the word "friend" means.   All of my "friends" are truly that.  Friends whom I 've know in real life.   We went to school together.  We played together.  We worked together.   We became friends before the age of Facebook.  You know, back "in the day" when you talked to people at parties or church or the park or at school or at the local hamburger joint...

Don't get me wrong.  Facebook is a wonderful place.  I can connect with classmates, coworkers, and distant family.  It's a way to keep up with people that you care about.  I can support local businesses, musicians, writers, and other community stuff.  Those people can use the numbers to get grants, contracts, or event attendance to measure success.

I just can't stand those people who really just need their ego boosted by the number of "friends" they have.  Just because you've got over 1,000 "friends" doesn't impress me.

Grow a set, get out of your shell, and make me a "real" friend that you can care about, can count on, and like in person, then I'll "friend" you on Facebook.  Don't just "pity friend" me.  It's degrading.

CSM

Parental Opposites: Patience and the Lack Of

Mama was the patient, cool-headed kind that would be fair and honest until you really pushed her... in which case, when you reached that point, you better get the hell out of the way because all hell is about to bust loose.  Anyone whoever worked with my Mom I'm sure can tell their own stories.

I never remember my Mom being angry.  Mad, yes, but never angry.  In fact, I don't even remember my Mom ever getting angry.  I've often wondered what it would have been like. She was the silent type.  She held it in.  She never raised her voice.  She did slightly grit her teeth.  But most of all, she remained calm, cool, and collective in general.

My Dad, on the other hand, had a short temper and would fly off the handle.  He had control issues that I'm not sure he ever really managed to... well, control.   His fuse, when lit, wouldn't last long before some dramatic tirade would burst out.  My Dad had so little patience. I am not sure how we put up with him. My parents were married for over 50 years, and how they lasted still amazes me to this day.  

Looking at yourself in the mirror, who do you see?  In my case, I see a mix of my parents.  Apparently, I inherited the calm, cool, and collective spirit for dealing with life in general from my Mom, but then I think I got the rest from my Dad.

Thanks a lot! 

CSM

To Traci -- It's All about Trust -- Regards, Chris

My good friend Traci recently had a situation happen in her life where she basically felt burnt.  She'll correct me if I'm wrong, but I could see there was an issue and she needed reassurance.  Personally, I think it was about a matter of trust.

OK, it's confession time.  It's hard for me to feel like I can trust someone.  The feeling must have occurred somewhere deep in my childhood... Or maybe something more recent that I've never really addressed.  Regardless, trust for me has to be built and cultivated over time.  Some people can easily trust one another.  I'm not that easy, but once I do, I will do anything for you.

To go back to the basics... For starters, I began with a good old-fashioned method of understanding trust, I looked the word up in the dictionary.  Good old Merriam-Websters had something like this to say:  a belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc.

It sounds so simple, like there should be no problem with this.  On one level, it is.  On another level, it isn't.  It comes down to this... Do you know the person or not? 

So Traci, if you don't know a person, you should start with the bottom line -- you don't have any trust in this person.  Zip. Zero. Zilch.  That person is a stranger.  You know nothing deep about this person at all.  Nothing.  Nil. Nada.  You can only rely on your instincts and gut feelings.  Prayer will also help in the case of flat tire on a deserted road, late at night.  In this case, I would allow "hope for the best."  You have nothing to loose if you are cautious.   At some point, a certain level of trust will be established.

On the flip side, it's worse when you thought you knew someone so well and then they hurt you.  Boom!  Kwack!  The trust is blown out of the water.  First, let me recommend you stop and ask yourself "Am I being oversensitive to someone's foolishness?"  I can be oversensitive-- an aspect of my personality that I'm working on, but has mellowed A LOT with age.  Then, question "How would my life be different without this person?"  You may be the same person you were before you meet them.  Those are two basic questions to think about.

With me, trust has to be built over time.   So, Traci, just remember you trusted someone and now that trust is gone, maybe for good, yet maybe not.   You have to decide.

I trusted you when we worked together and I still trust you now.

CSM