Monday, December 2, 2013

To Traci -- It's All about Trust -- Regards, Chris

My good friend Traci recently had a situation happen in her life where she basically felt burnt.  She'll correct me if I'm wrong, but I could see there was an issue and she needed reassurance.  Personally, I think it was about a matter of trust.

OK, it's confession time.  It's hard for me to feel like I can trust someone.  The feeling must have occurred somewhere deep in my childhood... Or maybe something more recent that I've never really addressed.  Regardless, trust for me has to be built and cultivated over time.  Some people can easily trust one another.  I'm not that easy, but once I do, I will do anything for you.

To go back to the basics... For starters, I began with a good old-fashioned method of understanding trust, I looked the word up in the dictionary.  Good old Merriam-Websters had something like this to say:  a belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc.

It sounds so simple, like there should be no problem with this.  On one level, it is.  On another level, it isn't.  It comes down to this... Do you know the person or not? 

So Traci, if you don't know a person, you should start with the bottom line -- you don't have any trust in this person.  Zip. Zero. Zilch.  That person is a stranger.  You know nothing deep about this person at all.  Nothing.  Nil. Nada.  You can only rely on your instincts and gut feelings.  Prayer will also help in the case of flat tire on a deserted road, late at night.  In this case, I would allow "hope for the best."  You have nothing to loose if you are cautious.   At some point, a certain level of trust will be established.

On the flip side, it's worse when you thought you knew someone so well and then they hurt you.  Boom!  Kwack!  The trust is blown out of the water.  First, let me recommend you stop and ask yourself "Am I being oversensitive to someone's foolishness?"  I can be oversensitive-- an aspect of my personality that I'm working on, but has mellowed A LOT with age.  Then, question "How would my life be different without this person?"  You may be the same person you were before you meet them.  Those are two basic questions to think about.

With me, trust has to be built over time.   So, Traci, just remember you trusted someone and now that trust is gone, maybe for good, yet maybe not.   You have to decide.

I trusted you when we worked together and I still trust you now.

CSM

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