So, I have to ask myself this question. Am I ready for a relationship? What am I looking for? What do I want to do right now? I've turned away from my career, now I just have a job. I've poured a lot of time into my books. And now, I'm back out in the world, trying to find... what? What is that I want? My needs are filled, but what do I want?
I think this week I had my Epiphany.
I'm scared. Why start a relationship when all I will do is mess it up and send the person packing? I'll fall in love and they'll leave... just like everyone else that I loved. I've had a few dates since I headed back out into the dating scene. Merrily skipping along, not really believing that I would meet someone. All the dates went no where. One kind of interesting, one drunk, and one "woe is me."
But, I think I really need to revisit the above-mentioned statement: "...just like everyone else that I loved." Meaning my parents. It's almost been a year since my Father died. I miss my parents. I actually had the very strong desire of driving to their house to see them... Only to realize that they were gone. It took several moments to calm myself down to remember this. I no longer had the luxury of seeing them. For a few brief moments, I lost it. I mean mentally lost it. I had never experienced anything like it.
I just paid my Father's last taxes. That was it. It's really over. My parents are really gone.
I think this week I had my Epiphany.
CSM
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