My Eulogy... Or Don't Wait Until the Last Moment.

The other day I was thinking about making a will, who to leave stuff to, and what do I want to happen to my body... My flabby pasty body.  But even more, I wondered what I would want people to say about me.  So, I decide to write my own eulogy...  And here it is... Or at least part of it.... I may have more to say... And now here it is...

"When Christopher Marshall was born, the entire country celebrated his birth with fireworks... Well, okay, it was the Fourth of July, but who cares.  Christopher was definitely a Yankee Doodle Dandy, which he often sang "Yank my Doodle, it's a dandy."  He always had a way finding the dirty alternative.  He relished the world of double-entendres.   Regardless of his lewdness, he tapped his way into the world and never stopped.

He loved to entertain and make people laugh and smile.  I mean who wouldn't forget the time he dressed up as a nun and went bar-hopping.  And who couldn't forget about the time he helped that old lady across the street only to find out she wasn't an old lady who didn't want to go to the other side of the street.

Chris had a way about him... An honest way.  Too honest... He didn't really need to agree with Penny when she kept saying she was fat.  He was just being honest... "It felt like Godzilla approaching the city," he would say.  He always pointed out stray pink curlers.  He offered free and very useful advice like make sure that it's a pineapple ice and not yellow snow.  Or how about "Don't go away mad..." And he always loved it when people complimented his behind.  When he walked away, people often said "What an ass!"

He loved deeply.  He cared deeply.  He wanted to kick people in the balls. He loved so hard and so much he wanted people to feel the same pain and he figured that would be the best way.  And trust me, if he didn't care, he would let you know with a hearty round of a tune he called "Fuck off motherfucker and don't let the door hit you in the ass..."  I wish I could remember how the tune went, but I was quite a showstopper and toe-tapper that a chorus line could really kick to.

I will tell you this.  He believed that death wasn't the end, but just another beginning.  He believed that he would wake up and find himself in his own Heaven, filled with what he always wanted in life, including but no limited to, an unlimited pass to Disney World, time to spew all of his fictional stories into print, and win that Academy Award (where he can walk across the stage naked and nobody laughs.)  He truly believed that it doesn't end here.

I was there to hear his last words... "I loved too hard, over thought everything, and I accidentally farted during an organ recital one time, but nobody noticed. They must have assumed it was a D-flat and was part of the song."

And I was told to tell everyone his last three words...
"So long suckers!"

CSM