Being gay sometimes gets me down. I don't see it as a curse or a disease or a punishment. It's part of who I am, but it's not my entire world. I've filled my life with so much more that just my sexuality, like writing stories that I store on my computer but never try to get published. There's my expensive Lego habit. My Disney mania. The love of Ethel Merman belting out everything's coming up roses... Okay, yes, I know, but I didn't say I wasn't a stereotypical gay. I just said that it gets me down.., And yes, listening to The Beauty and the Beast soundtrack does get to me. It's Angela Lansbury... But I digress.
But there's that one part about the gay lifestyle that grinds my ax.
I get really tired of feeling like all I am is a piece of meat for oversexed a-holes who think that's what being gay is all about. First, good for them. I'm glad they have a lusty hobby and I'm glad they found meaning for their lives. What I'm not glad about is when they tell me that I'm the a-hole because I won't pleasure them. I'm avoiding graphic detail, like describing what they want to do to me. I actually had to look up a couple of terms... Those S&M guys... Oh brother!
I have only one response for these guys who won't take "no" for an answer... "Go fuck yourself, honey. I've got better things to do." Since being back in the dating scene, I have said this a lot.
On my dating app, guys will send me unsolicited pics of their... well... you-know-whats and their you-know-wheres. And trust me, I've got my new canned response... "Thank you for the pics. I will assume that you are showing me your true personality and that you are a dick and an ass. Thank you for being honest up-front. Sincerely, I'm-blocking-you."
I'm sorry but I think this so-called world of gay hook-ups isn't that great. In fact, the guys I know who do a lot of hook-uping seem to be the most self-abusive. But if we consider the old saying "You are what you eat..."
They also seem to have no self-worth or low self esteem. They sleep around with guys that turn them on at that moment then simply move on. I recently had a crush on a 20-something who told me that he had already been with 50 guys... and apparently counting. I'm 47 years old and not any where near that number. I can't help but roll out the sarcasm by saying "Gee, there's something I'd like to be remembered for. Not things like I loved all my friends and cared about their well-being. Or that I wanted to teach people about history and how it got us where we are today. And god forbid that I be remembered for my caring nature."
Why would someone want to do that -- just sleep around? So, I asked, read a few reports, gathered information, slammed back a very glasses of Riesling and drew up a theory. Please disagree with me if you like... but I've decided that most gay men are just like dogs. They only want to sniff your behind. And my response is "Get your damn nose out of my butt."
Over the past few months, I've kept swinging back and forth between the realization that I'm going to be single the rest of my life and the complacency of just giving in and fuck around since no one gives a shit about the fact that I have a life.
Once, I met this kind of a nice guy who just wouldn't let up. He wanted to... you know... go "downtown"... He finally wore me down. I simply gave in, dropped my pants, and said "There! Knock yourself out!" Guess what his response was... "Well if you're going to be a-hole about it..."
It gets old so fast... No wonder I have a "Why Bother" attitude... Sigh.
CSM
No comments:
Post a Comment