Dating... Or How to Spot a Jerk 10 Feet Away

The other night, I was pondering my dating/love life.  The whole ponder lasted all of about... thirty seconds. Very sad, isn't it?  That the pondering would only last that long.

In recent years, I have dated a number of guys.  Some have made it to second and third dates.  And yes, a couple of times they shouldn't have made it to the second or third dates.  It wasn't that I was desperate; I just wanted the night out. I mean look at it this way... He might have taken me to a nice restaurant where I might have meet a guy who would be the love of my life.  You've got to keep those options open.  But I digress...

The reason I was pondering was because of a recent Facebook post...  It was basically a "tell us 26 things about yourself."  One of the questions was something along the lines "what is the question you get asked the most?"  My answer: "Why are you still single?"  And yes, I do get that question on a regular basis, but I've never really thought about it.  Really pondered it.

Why am I still single?  And since I know you are all dying to know, I am going to answer it now... (Feel free to wash dishes or laundry or take the dog for a walk... I won't mind.)

I am still single because I chose to be single.  First, I had a career to develop.  (Done.)  Then I had dying parents to tend to.  (Both gone.)  Then came the estate.  (The most weirdest year of my life. It's odd seeing your name on court papers even though it has little to do with you personally.)

And most of all... OMG! Doesn't anyone know how to date?  I guess this is the payback I get for believing that dating is like what I see in the movies.  We see each other.  We plan to meet on top of the Empire State Building.  I get hit by a car and don't show up.  And six months later, Cary Grant shows up on my doorstep and all is well.  How lucky was that Deborah Kerr...

I've met guys in various ways.  Like placing an personals ad in the local rag, then onto Yahoo dating, then to free websites, and now the cellphone apps era...  Where every one can hide, lie, cheat, and play games.  My favorite is the opening conversation game.

"Hey"
"Hey"
"How r u?"
"Good.  You?"
"Hornie"
"I appreciate your honesty but dislike your inability to spell."

That single conversation lasted over twenty-five minutes.  In person, it could have lasted one minute.  And he could have hid is inability to spell.

I've found the ones I've meet in person are the best and the most promising. I see him.  He sees me. (We can't hide that extra 10 pounds like we can in an app picture.)  I evaluate his facial expressions, listen for key words, see if he... "leans in."  I touch him, smell him... (It's important.  Does he have that soapy smell that means he took a shower?)  I feel his presence.  Does he make me feel good? Does he know how to articulate a sentence?  Does he have all his teeth?  (Don't ask about that last one.)

Dating is hard and finding someone who is honest with from the get go seems to be even harder.  And the ultimate reason to date is to find that one person who will become your best friend, your confidant, and your co--builder of a life full of memories and adventures.

I will never settle for anyone less.  He must like me for who I am and just as important he has to like who he is.  And more importantly, we must have connections.  Be it travel, Legos, Disney, movies, books, writing, cooking... A seed that will grow into something more.

I'm reading the newest book about Julia Child and I can't help but think about how she and Paul became American icons...  And it all started over French cooking.

So, this is Christopher Marshall.  Bonne Recontre!  (Which means Good Dating! in French)

CSM